Abundant Grace Spring 2014

Part Six

The room was dark, the air tense, unsettling. Already, fear had engaged itself deep in my heart. I was tired and chilled to the bone, huddled in a corner, shaking like a leaf in the midst of a fierce storm. All the while, raspy voices surrounded me, whispering in my ear, “Alone you are, deep in darkness, where no light can ever exist. Here you shall reside, forever in this black, forbidden pit.
“Please, nooo!” I cried out, bolting upright in my bed, my chest rising and falling. I drew in a shaky intake of breath, realizing it was yet another nightmare. By now, unwanted tears welled behind my eyelids, making me close my eyes. Licking my dry lips, trying to force the tears away, I re-opened my eyes, only to stare straight ahead, drawing a blank. With a sigh, I glanced at the clock: 1:13 a.m.
With one swift movement, I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and pushed myself off, refusing to go back to sleep, knowing the nightmares would only return. With my mind made up, I trudged toward the door, opening it quietly, hoping that a refreshing drink would calm me down. It was then, as I stood at the top of the stairs with my hand resting on the railing, that I heard muffled voices. I froze, curiosity growing within.
I crept slowly toward my mom’s bedroom before placing my ear against the door, listening carefully. Then, pushing it open slightly, I peeked in, spying my mom sitting in a chair, her back to me. I could see her reflection in the window.
“I just don’t know what to do, Greg.” She spoke softly, her phone resting in her lap, hinting that the incoming caller was on speaker phone. “She barely eats a handful at each meal, she gets less than three hours of sleep each night due to nightmares... I—it just seems that she is so unhappy. Depressed even...What if it is my—” “Anna, don’t say that,” my father cut in sternly. Before silence fell between them, he added more gently, “It is not your fault.”
My mom then raised her hand, anxiously running it through her hair. “Who’s to blame?” she whispered, as a single tear graced her cheek. “Greg, please...can’t you see how much this is hurting me?”
“This is hurting me just as much as you,” my father sighed heavily. “Even though I am not there now, that does not mean I don’t care about you or Lexie.” My heart froze at the mention of my name as he continued saying, “We are still a family. Even though I am halfway across the United States, away from you guys, that will never change. Do you understand that?”
“Of course,” Mom voiced. Then continuing in a subdued tone, she added, “I understand that it’s your job that causes you to work so many hours...but truly, when was the last time you were home for more than two days?”
“Anna, that’s not—”
“What, Greg? What’s not fair?” she choked back. “What’s not fair is that you’re always away on business. It’s hard enough to go through all of this with Lexie. Alone.”
Dad exclaimed then, empathy dripping from his words, “Sweetie, Darling, no. Please don’t ever think that you are alone in this! God will always be with you.” His voice suddenly grew quieter as he sincerely stated, “As will I, till death do us part.”
At that, a gentle, adoring smile tugged at the corners of my mom’s lips, resting there briefly, before disappearing completely. She then countered, “That still doesn’t solve the problem at hand. What do I do with Lexie? I can’t bear to watch as she
continually puts herself through this. It’s not like her at all. Anger just seems to be radiating from her constantly. Greg...she needs you.”
Dad sighed, “I know... But in the meantime, give her some time, Anna, and pray for her, earnestly. Only God can intervene.”
“You’re right,” she mused quietly.
“Aren’t I always?” Dad teased.
Mom laughed, her eyes illuminated, “Perhaps, but I thought I was the one who is always right.”
“Well,” my dad drawled out, “that’s debatable.”
“Mmm, got me there...” Mom continued to tease until a comfortable silence fell.
Seconds later, breaking the stillness, my dad said compassionately, “Anna, I love you.”
Tears of happiness filled her eyes as she echoed, “I love you too, Greg.” But catching sight of the time, she added reluctantly, “It’s late, and you have work tomorrow.”
“Ah, that’s life.”
Mom shook her head, a smile remaining on her lips, “Byyye, Greg,” she voiced in a sing-song manner.
“Bye, Anna,” Dad bid farewell.
With that, a click filled the air, indicating that the call had been disconnected. I remained frozen in place hiding behind the door. My heart felt heavier than ever. As a single tear slid down my cheek, I felt a part of my hard outer shell crumble. Then, into the darkness, I whispered softly, “What is wrong with me?”