Thinking truthfully is harder than it sounds. Trust me—I can
give you first-person testimony. This problem crops up more regularly in my
life than I would like to admit. Whether it’s jumping to terrible conclusions
when my husband is late or imagining harm coming to my children when I leave
them with someone else, fearful thinking can occur frequently in my mind.
Although many of these fearful thoughts can be dismissed as quickly as they
arise, God recently used a situation in my life to show me how dangerous a
practice of untruthful, fearful thinking can be.
About three months ago, I visited my physician in order to
get a refill for a thyroid prescription. During the routine examination, my
doctor discovered that the left side of my thyroid was “definitely enlarged.”
He recommended that I get a thyroid ultrasound and referred me to an imaging
lab. Having had Hashimoto’s thyroiditis since seventh grade, I wasn’t too
alarmed, but I still had to focus on trusting God. I convinced myself that it
was nothing and expected a good report from the lab. However, when the results
returned, they contained a recommendation, which my doctor then relayed to me, that
I get a biopsy. Well, the fears immediately began bombarding me…“I have cancer!
I’m going to die. My kids won’t even remember me. I don’t want to die! I’ll
miss so much. I love my family—I don’t want to leave them!” Let me assure you this
is a much more concise and pared-down version than the merry-go-round my
thinking actually rode.
Even though these thoughts were a constant struggle, I
didn’t just lie down and take it. I found myself looking in my spare moments to
get extra Biblical truth—mostly from the Psalms. I had good days and bad days.
One thing I really wished was that I didn’t have to wait to have the biopsy
done, because that left all sorts of time for me to have no answers.
Unfortunately (in my estimation), there was a period of about two weeks of
waiting, and I firmly believe now that God wanted to use those days to teach me
more about Himself, myself and life.
Casting my cares on God, giving my thinking to Him and
sitting back in trust were ever-present needs for me. One night in particular,
I was talking with my husband when he rebuked me. He pointed out that I already
had myself dead and in the grave when we didn’t even know if anything was truly
wrong. He reminded me that God doesn’t want us to live in fear—and certainly
not in fear of something we don’t even know to be true. From that time on, I
endeavored to be more proactive in choosing what to think instead of waiting
for my thoughts to take me “unawares.” I still had fearful thoughts, but I
tried to turn them into prayers or meditations on Who God is. A facebook friend
posted Philippians 4:6-7 on her wall during this time, and my Father used these
verses to be a great comfort: Be careful
for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving
let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth
all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Praise the Lord my biopsy came back negative! I can’t tell
you how joyful and relieved I was. The truth is that if the biopsy had been
positive, God would have given me the grace I needed when I needed it; yet
another undeniable truth is that He wanted to teach me to trust Him with even
the possibility of things not going my way.
Thinking truthfully is a continuous battle for all of us.
Many times we don’t realize how much wrong thinking has crept into our hearts
until God sends us a jolt. I’m grateful He did that for me. David says in Psalm
13:2a, How long shall I take counsel in
my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? I read that this could also be
said, “How long must I wrestle with my thoughts [fear] and every day have
sorrow in my heart?” As I’ve looked back over that period of time and at my
life in general as I struggle to think truthfully, it has been an encouragement
to me to reflect that God allows us to see the man “after His own heart”
struggling with his thinking but choosing to give those thoughts to his
Shepherd. Psalm 62:8 says, Trust in [God]
at all times;…pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us.
